Thank you so much for sharing this brutal history; it is such a wonderful, touching piece of writing. As a therapist specializing in recovery from religious abuse (and other forms of pathological relationship abuse, most notably covert narcissism), and as a survivor of a staunch Catholic upbringing in Belfast, Northern Ireland, this hit home. Linda Kay Klein's work echos here, her writings and lectures being where I first came across the term "stumbling."
My hope is that one survivor or one family reads this and has the courage to realise that they, too, can walk away. It can be traumatic, and I understand why congregants remain, but it's writing the details of these abuse legacies that I hope will open the eyes - and, critically, expand the curiosity - of any purposeful or accidental reader. Or a reader who must do so surreptitiously, learning of a reality beyond the bounds of organized religions / abusive cults with the catechism open on another tab, for fear of the next beating.
Yours was a difficult piece to write. I am appreciative for the insights, sad of your torture, and am left to wonder how Christ and these abusive cults can be at all related. Surviving the torture is not easy. Keep your voice and share. Like me, so many have left the church for reasons related specifically to church failures. Church is an ungodly place filled with hypocrisy of such a magnitude that it disgustingly spoils the bread of life and steals from, rather than cares for, the poor and needy—to build simply more halls of Satanism. Ask the pastor about his building program (while the poor starve.)
From the time I saw the photo of your childhood steeple on the church, I started checking off the boxes. I did not suffer sexual abuse but all the other christian brainwashing and indignities are parallel to my upbringing in Germanton, NC.
There is another substack writer, Andra Watkins who has written on similar instances from her childhood in SC.
Because my family maintained the notions of our childhood church experience, sister #2 and all her offspring were excised from my life as well as sister #3 dumping them from her life. For over six years now it is just me and sister 3 in our little family. We are ecstatic.
They were Maga before TFG came on the scene. So, it was probable I would need to rid myself of their toxicity.
I enjoyed your writing. Thank goodness you are strong willed, as am I. Some would say hard headed.
My search landed me near Buddhism, like yours. I dont classify myself as any relireligion.
I feel like I understand Maga pretty darned well since a lot of them are an outgrowth of these small Southern churches bonded with the icing on the cake, Trvmp philosophy.
This is heartbreaking and brutal, but also just a brilliant piece of writing. You are impossibly strong to have survived it at all. ❤️ I hope that releasing this into the world is healing for you. Talking about my estrangement from my mother helped me be able to move on in a way I couldn’t before .
JUST WOW. So well expressed. I learned in church how to protect the reputation of the man who was making our children and me miserable at home. It can be a shitshow for sure.
This is such a powerful piece of writing that I’m thinking about it days later after reading it. Me and my older brother went through the whole ‘breaking of the will’ bullshit. Whenever I think about writing about it, I don’t even know where to begin, and this writing of yours just lays it out so beautifully. The indoctrination of children is child abuse. It was horrible back then and it’s horrible now. Kids need to have rights that don’t make them subject to every whim of abusive morons. This is really at the top of my list of ‘choose your battles’. I will always always fight for kids rights.
Whhoooof, this brings back memories for me. Of a mother making me get the tool to beat me with, of a church condoning abuse and blaming women/girls for "their part" in mens sin. Its hard to face the hurt caused to us as children - especially when its propped up by an institution that masquerades as "good" and "loving". Thank you so much for sharing your journey of healing with us, it reminds me that I - we - are not alone.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I am a Christian and believe in following Jesus, but as you have written about here, there are so many things that are treated as normal in church that are absolutely horrifying. My daughter is smart, stubborn, and loving toward others, and many of my fellow Christians would tell me that she needs to be spanked regularly for stepping out of line or being disobedient- this is absolutely not in line with what I believe that Christianity should be about. Our children should all know that we love them and want to help them to be happy and healthy and loved. As a Kamala supporter in a rural county in NC where nearly all my neighbors were Trump supporters, I am so disturbed by what has happened to Christianity because of Trump. How he became the “Christian” choice I still don’t understand (I keep being told it’s because he’s pro life, but his policies don’t actually seem posed to help women actually have a better life).
Thank you for writing and sharing your experience.
I'm so sorry that you had to experience that and so grateful that you are processing it. I just shared an essay today about something close to this on how we were taught that we were 'sinners' but I go deeper on it in my essay about how Christians teach us to forgive in order to allow abuse to continue.
I believe in the words of Jesus but I can't ever be part of a church that breeds abuse like that ones you describe and what I also experienced.
Thank you so much for sharing this brutal history; it is such a wonderful, touching piece of writing. As a therapist specializing in recovery from religious abuse (and other forms of pathological relationship abuse, most notably covert narcissism), and as a survivor of a staunch Catholic upbringing in Belfast, Northern Ireland, this hit home. Linda Kay Klein's work echos here, her writings and lectures being where I first came across the term "stumbling."
My hope is that one survivor or one family reads this and has the courage to realise that they, too, can walk away. It can be traumatic, and I understand why congregants remain, but it's writing the details of these abuse legacies that I hope will open the eyes - and, critically, expand the curiosity - of any purposeful or accidental reader. Or a reader who must do so surreptitiously, learning of a reality beyond the bounds of organized religions / abusive cults with the catechism open on another tab, for fear of the next beating.
Thanks for having the courage to share.
Yours was a difficult piece to write. I am appreciative for the insights, sad of your torture, and am left to wonder how Christ and these abusive cults can be at all related. Surviving the torture is not easy. Keep your voice and share. Like me, so many have left the church for reasons related specifically to church failures. Church is an ungodly place filled with hypocrisy of such a magnitude that it disgustingly spoils the bread of life and steals from, rather than cares for, the poor and needy—to build simply more halls of Satanism. Ask the pastor about his building program (while the poor starve.)
From the time I saw the photo of your childhood steeple on the church, I started checking off the boxes. I did not suffer sexual abuse but all the other christian brainwashing and indignities are parallel to my upbringing in Germanton, NC.
There is another substack writer, Andra Watkins who has written on similar instances from her childhood in SC.
Because my family maintained the notions of our childhood church experience, sister #2 and all her offspring were excised from my life as well as sister #3 dumping them from her life. For over six years now it is just me and sister 3 in our little family. We are ecstatic.
They were Maga before TFG came on the scene. So, it was probable I would need to rid myself of their toxicity.
I enjoyed your writing. Thank goodness you are strong willed, as am I. Some would say hard headed.
My search landed me near Buddhism, like yours. I dont classify myself as any relireligion.
I feel like I understand Maga pretty darned well since a lot of them are an outgrowth of these small Southern churches bonded with the icing on the cake, Trvmp philosophy.
I hope that sharing your pain does for you what it does for me. Draining the old poison off so that new and healthy can throw there in it's stead. ❤️🫂
This is heartbreaking and brutal, but also just a brilliant piece of writing. You are impossibly strong to have survived it at all. ❤️ I hope that releasing this into the world is healing for you. Talking about my estrangement from my mother helped me be able to move on in a way I couldn’t before .
JUST WOW. So well expressed. I learned in church how to protect the reputation of the man who was making our children and me miserable at home. It can be a shitshow for sure.
This is such a powerful piece of writing that I’m thinking about it days later after reading it. Me and my older brother went through the whole ‘breaking of the will’ bullshit. Whenever I think about writing about it, I don’t even know where to begin, and this writing of yours just lays it out so beautifully. The indoctrination of children is child abuse. It was horrible back then and it’s horrible now. Kids need to have rights that don’t make them subject to every whim of abusive morons. This is really at the top of my list of ‘choose your battles’. I will always always fight for kids rights.
Whhoooof, this brings back memories for me. Of a mother making me get the tool to beat me with, of a church condoning abuse and blaming women/girls for "their part" in mens sin. Its hard to face the hurt caused to us as children - especially when its propped up by an institution that masquerades as "good" and "loving". Thank you so much for sharing your journey of healing with us, it reminds me that I - we - are not alone.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I am a Christian and believe in following Jesus, but as you have written about here, there are so many things that are treated as normal in church that are absolutely horrifying. My daughter is smart, stubborn, and loving toward others, and many of my fellow Christians would tell me that she needs to be spanked regularly for stepping out of line or being disobedient- this is absolutely not in line with what I believe that Christianity should be about. Our children should all know that we love them and want to help them to be happy and healthy and loved. As a Kamala supporter in a rural county in NC where nearly all my neighbors were Trump supporters, I am so disturbed by what has happened to Christianity because of Trump. How he became the “Christian” choice I still don’t understand (I keep being told it’s because he’s pro life, but his policies don’t actually seem posed to help women actually have a better life).
Thank you for writing and sharing your experience.
I'm so sorry that you had to experience that and so grateful that you are processing it. I just shared an essay today about something close to this on how we were taught that we were 'sinners' but I go deeper on it in my essay about how Christians teach us to forgive in order to allow abuse to continue.
I believe in the words of Jesus but I can't ever be part of a church that breeds abuse like that ones you describe and what I also experienced.
Here's the essay on the lie of forgiveness if you're interested https://elizabethgracemartinez.substack.com/p/toxic-positivity-and-the-lie-of-forgiveness
I am so sorry this happened to you.